Imperfectly Me
by ChiioMajesty
Summary: Short drabble on Len. Based from my other novel, "Project: VOCALOID". A peek into his heart, slightly shrouded pain. He isn't perfect, and he doesn't know everything there is to know. Mentions of Rin/Len, Miku/Len.


A short drabble on Len from my novel, Project: VOCALOID. Well. This is a private look-in with our precious blond trying to maintain a steady, normal life within the craziness. Hopefully, you can relate to him... in some way. I dunno. This was made to inspire thoughts. Get to know Lenners a little, right? :D

BY THE WAY! HERE's A NEW DOUJINSHI PANEL ENTRY! - - - by **himeka1010**. Check it out on my prof. :D

Mentions of LenxRin, LenxMiku

Gawd, I love you, Len-sweetheart. :D

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Imperfectly Me

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(Project: VOCALOID)

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_Private Entry #*_

_As Len Kagamine, there are a lot of things I don't get. For instance, I can't understand why good people suffer and bad people prosper. Some days I clash with the world, defying gravity and trying to fly. Other times, I'm barely enjoying myself. Barely._

_Hey... for those of you out there clicking the URL which lead you to this page, I just want to say... hi. You're welcome, of course, to click the 'back' button if you don't want to hear a 14-year-old's rant. That's fine with me. I just don't want you to get bored._

_Listen. I know... that I'm a lucky person; I live under a[(n) expensive, intricately brick-patterned] roof, I have family, friends, advanced education, and am currently following my lifetime dream of becoming the best soccer player. I'm also involved in choir._

_I quit guitar last year._

_Yeah. I had to throw that out (BUT ANYWAY...)._

_None of it seems enough._

_I don't feel satisfied at all. Like... I'm missing something, you know? I don't know what it is, but it's been bothering me._

_It's nothing spiritual or anything. Not really. People everywhere are one thing or another when it comes to religion. You can be Buddhist here while five miles away, someone else is atheist. Me? I'm not exactly passionate when it comes to that sort of thing. But I've neither felt rejected the possibility of a god existing or ultimately accepted it. Say, though... if there's a God, it's practically impossible to get to know him in a simple way._

_Hah... Christians say they 'do what they feel God is calling them to do' but when in fact, aren't they just going by the impulsing nature which we humans have? To do whatever they feel is 'right'? You know... most bad people do what they feel is 'right'._

_I'm not picking a fight, people. I'm just plainly speaking out._

_But then sometimes, a person's feelings don't have a logical explanation._

_In a way though... life has some purpose, right? It's competition. It's thrill. It's boring. It's really mysterious and confusing in the way you feel like screaming your lungs out and banging your head against the table (Rin's seen those moments of mine. Gahh.). But... it can bring out the best in you._

_Lately, it looks as if my current circumstances are doing just that._

_See, a few months ago, Rin arrived in a storm. I still recall seeing her frizzled, dripping self shivering on our doorstep. So afraid, so confused. When I offered her my hand that night, I instantly knew she wasn't like the others._

_It... was startling. To see someone who resembled me that much, and not just physically, randomly pop into my life._

_I slowly got to know her._

_Rin is... that person who holds every insecurity against herself. It really surprised me. Even girls her age I knew didn't have that much self-hatred. It just seemed she was afraid of herself too. Skittering past others and following my shadow. Yesterday night in fact, I woke up in the middle of the night and went downstairs for a glass of milk. When I entered the kitchen, I saw her sitting on the floor, hugging her knees._

_We looked at each other..._

_And she cried._

_To this day, I still don't why. It was like the time at the mall. That was the second time I saw true pain in her eyes; her cries overflowing with sad, lonely tears. It was as those tears were asking, 'why me and not you?'. She didn't say anything after that._

_But somehow. I saw a part of myself in those eyes. I saw my own pain reflecting back at me..._

_I've... never met someone like her._

_..._

_..._

_...Miku, isn't she beautiful though? And she's so perfect and kind... to everyone. And she does it so naturally, unlike me. I can't see any flaws in her. And she expresses her feelings in the most gorgeous ways possible._

_Me... I keep a lid on my feelings. That way no one can see my weaknesses._

_I've been viewed as kind, thoughtful, and popular._

_None of that is true, really._

_I-In truth, I'm not a kind person at all-don't disagree! Please... I'm telling you guys the truth. Whoever you are, you have no idea how heartless I can be. T-Truthfully I... I even look down at people. The flaws I see in them disgust me, irritate me, make me want to vomit my guts out until the vultures came and devoured me whole..._

_..._

_Um. Sorry, that was a gross analogy. I hope you weren't eating something while you just read that._

_..._

_But the flaws I see in them actually are the flaws I have myself. They reflect me. I hated it and my own bare, ugly self. Truthfully, I've always been alone; by myself. I have great friends who sit down and sympathasize when I talk about my problems, but they'd never understand. As a child... as a person... I've always felt so neglected. I don't know why...!_

_I mean, my parents divorced when I was young, yeah. I-I blamed it on myself, and before I knew it, I realized my lack of friendship: pure companionship. It got worse when Kaito's family tied bonds with us. I was hated, ignored, and everyone in the house was too busy to even spare me a glance... e-even my mom. But it was my fault._

_I'm the one who couldn't speak. I couldn't even ask for what I wanted. I was so timid, under-developed..., an easy target for bullies. Girls avoided me too because I was so quiet._

_At times, when I annoyed Kaito by accident, he'd yell and trap me in a closet. I was too little to reach the doorknob at the time, so I was forced to sit in cold, dark, silence. If I cried, he'd make me stay there longer. One time though, he forgot all about me. A rat crawled up my feet during the night._

_...Still to this day, I'm terrified of the dark. Or rather, what's hindering in it._

_..._

_Ha... by now you probably hate me. And I don't blame you at all..._

_I'd be relieved if you threw me in Hell. Strangely, it sounds like a vacation compared to how badly I feel right now._

_...I'm exaggerating._

_Sigh._

_I wish I could understand everything._

_I wish I were sincere._

_I wish I could be a man so I protect the ones I love..._

_..._

_Can't it be like that?_

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A/N: Awwww Lennnn! D: Nobody's perfect! And don't you DARE GROW up. D: D: Oh yeah, and don't troll me if you're not religious. :( Len is an agnostic.


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